We want to hear your story; here is mine

I lost my nephew on Valentine's Day 2023.

I loved Jaiden from the begining. He was a high risk pregnacy, so I spent many weekends cleaning my sisters house, helping her with my older nephew Austin and simply loving her. I waited and waited for my nephew.

Then one night, I got the call. I left work at one a.m and drove to reno. It was my first time watching a birth. It was graphic, and messy..... traumatic hahaha.

I finally met my nephew, he hated me.

I frequently visited and babysat, so eventually he came around.

As a teen, Jaiden became distant and would rarely show his face during our visits. Little moments like driving to pick up pizza, the road trip to his little sister's adoption, and watching music videos remain my fondest memories of his teen years.

The last couple of years that he had on earth were a bit rocky. I got many calls from my sister crying, searching for advice and reasurance. I did my best, but in situations as such, we never know what is right.

I can say that I did one thing right, I told my sister how to access Narcan, and I stressed to her how important it was that she get some.

The next call that I got, my sister was histerical. My nephew had overdosed. She saved his life. We rushed to her side. The traumas and triggers from saving her son's life were unconsolable. We tried to talk with Jaiden but he wasnt having it. So we talked about how to help in the living room. I remember him getting upset that we were talking about him, I told him join in, but he refused. All of the studying I had done became pretty useless. It was much different on a personal level. Before we left we went to pick up pizza, and I made sure to tell him how much we loved him and why we were trying to help.

Jaiden's mother spent countless hours searching for resources to help her juvenile son with his substance use. Call after call to in-patient treatment centers. No one could help a minor that wasnt willing. Even law enforcement couldnt help. My sister was stuck living in the hell of substance abuse with my little nephew that was not even an adult. How can you be old enough to put substances in your body but not be old enough to be helped by law enforcement? How can you blame a mother for anything that goes wrong, but then refuse a mother the power to hold her son accountable and put him through treatment? Policy reform and additional resources are why we have created the Jordans From Jaiden organization.

Finally some help. Jaiden got placed into a juvinile detention center. This was again another extremely rough hurtle for my sister. She felt so extremely guilty. Jaiden refused to talk to her. I got calls from her crying, then I would get calls from Jaiden. He was so angry at her. I tried to show him love and support, while trying to explain to him how much she loved him. I tried to motivate him to call her. I was honored to be the person that he called. Knowing that I was that person for him will forever make my heart happy.

After months of visits and family counceling, it seemed that my nephew and my sister were on the right track. All was well with the world again. Jaiden did absolutely amazing! He graduated early, was released, worked full time and maintained a great relationship with my sister! My heart was full.

During one of our calls, she described to me that he was begning to have some odd behaviors again. We knew that he had relapsed.

It was Feburary 14th, 2023. My daughter was at her first pre-k valentine's day party. We were having a blast, life was good. We came home and walked in the door. My mother was at the kitchen table crying.

She said Jaidens gone.

My heart dropped. I froze. I had no idea what to do. I litterly walked in circles for a few minutes. I walked into my bedroom and told my husband' "Jaidens Dead and I don't know what to do". He jumped up and said, "Pack your suitcase".

I was unsure if thats what I should do. I wanted to love my sister, I wanted to hold her. I found great pride in being her person. But, how could I look her in the face after a trauma like this? What would I say? How would I act? My goal as her sister is to make her ok and to make her happy, how could I do that? This was too great of a loss.

I knew he was right, so through all of the shakes and tears, I packed my bag. Thirty minutes later we were on the road. Little did I know, the heartbreak of losing a nephew was only the beginning.

I walked in to the house and said "where is she". I was pointed in my sisters direction and ran to her and held her tight.

It's hard to type this through the tears.

She excused herself to the bathroom so I followed. The heartbreak I saw in her eyes, her soul was forever changed. Her histerical bawling. Watching my sister go through this was brutual. This was my heartbreak.

It didnt end with that night. It has been two years of tears, hugs and support. Our family will never be the same. My focus now has been to support my sister. Encouraging healing retreats, visiting mediums, sharing stories, and pushing her to attend events and create change. Viewing my nephew's cold, lifeless body as my sister histerically bawls as she hugs her baby one last time. Taking Jaiden's ashes on one last beach trip while we try to find a bit of peace in our souls. I always want to be by her side with anything to do with my nephew. DEA family events, youtube interviews, harm reduction meetings..... Together, we have gotten involved, and together, we are trying to save at least one family from feeling the pain that we have endured.

A few months later, my son lost his dad to Fentanyl.

 Every valentines day we will spend the miserable day together. Romance is overrated anyways. An annual "Fuck Fentanyl and Fuck Today" cake will be binge eaten.